Most of July has gone by without a great amount of training done. The call of the summer cottage was too strong... good times in the fresh air, loads of sun, swimming and boating. Rowing for an hour-plus is pretty good conditioning too!
Returning to training yesterday was interesting. Guy's been on vacation a month as well and attendance is fairly light at salle. So at free training I got a bit of private time with him. I asked to work on something that's been bugging me for a while, which is the way my free fencing has lagged behind my technical skill. In pithier words, I don't fight as well as I train.
First point is something that's pretty basic - I move slowly, even in freeplay. Part of it is physical - I just need to develop more explosiveness. A bigger part, though, is making use of what I have. I don't move as fast as I can, and that's largely because I'm a bit over-concerned with control and precision. I've invested a great deal of training time and energy in getting the little details of execution right (and this is no bad thing in itself), which required me to perform the actions at less than full speed. I'm so used to that pace of training that I tend to go at that speed even when I need to be quicker.
A corollary is that I need to be less hung up about getting things exactly right. If my opponent is anywhere near my skill level, that won't happen because he'll be doing his best to make sure I can't do what I want to. So I have to accept a certain amount of 'sloppiness' in my execution as the price to be paid for actual effectiveness.
There is also a deeper issue, one that touches on things beyond swordsmanship alone. I tend to freeze up, especially when taking an opening. I see an opportunity, I know I should take it, and I just don't. I stop moving. This has everything to do with hangups, emotional baggage regarding violence and risk. Basically, deep down I'd rather get hurt than hurt someone else. It's a decision I made a long time ago, and it's played a large part in making me who I am. Usually it's a good thing, but in the context of a martial art, in the context of applied violence, it's suicidal.
So I can defend myself pretty well. I don't leave huge gaps or overcommit, and I can react quickly to changes in the situation as well. Actually managed to recover from one of Guy's feints, which is not a terribly easy thing to do, and make a second parry. But after that, when it comes time to take advantage of an opening, I'm very slow to act.
The odd thing is, as we discovered, once we move past sword range and into grappling distance, I don't freeze. I can quite naturally and smoothly perform offensive actions. More to the point, I don't separate offence and defence. It's all done in one set of actions, which is how it should be with the sword as well. But when grappling I can do it, maybe because I trust myself more. I have more control, and I know my partner can take a fall. When I'm using the sword, however, there's a greater element of risk, and I'm not yet comfortable with that.
Guy pointed out that everyone who gets into gear and bouts has assumed the risk. We all know and accept the possibility of injury in what we do. It comes with the territory. Yet there's a little voice in my head that says it's wrong to hurt someone even by accident, even when they've accepted the chance that it might happen - and it's this voice that's keeping me from performing at my peak in freeplay.
In the words of Rory Miller, I have to give myself permission. Permission to perform acts that carry a risk of hurting someone. Permission not to worry about that risk because it's not mine to worry about. Permission, really, to respect my training partner enough that I give full commitment to the bout. Because it's insulting to them that I hold myself back 'in order not to hurt them'. It's their choice, their risk - not mine.
This doesn't mean I should throw all caution to the wind, of course. There's safe and unsafe bouting, and we owe a duty of due care to our partners. The key is to grasp, fully and at all levels, that once we have performed this due care, we are literally not responsible for any harm that may happen. It's not under our control, just the dice coming up.
That's a hard thought for me to process. It's not a problem taking on risk for myself, but taking advantage - even proper and responsible advantage - of someone else's assumption of risk is deeply disturbing to me. It's something that goes against the grain of who I am, the kind of person I am. Yet it's also something that I need to do, in order to grow not just as a martial artist but as a person.
Until I do, I'll tend to fight down to the level of the opposition. There are people I bout against whom I should paste, based on technical skill - but I don't. Yet when bouting with people who are near my level, I do pretty well. I can even acquit myself honourably in bouts with people much better than I am. The odd thing is that all my fights tend to be either close wins, or losses - never crushing victories. It's a psychological thing.
And this really brings up the old chestnut about one's greatest opponent being oneself. The thing that's blocking me from expressing my true level of ability is in my own head. It's no less real for that, and for me to advance I need to work on it. I think a regular regime of private lessons is on the cards, as well as more freeplay practice, which I've tended to shy away from. As well, I need to incorporate a bit more intent into my training focus, regardless of what exercise I'm doing.
Lots to chew on. More breakthroughs in twenty minutes than, frankly, the length of the Fiore Extravaganza. Much more clarity in my training goals. Suddenly, things have changed.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
This gives me a lot to think about. I freeze in totally different way, carefullness is like an "evil clown brother" of yours. But still..
I do not think it is completely "a fact" that in a bout, because the other guy has assumed risk of injury, we are free of the responsibility of injuring them by accident, if we are careful.
I think what happens is that the other guy gives us the permission, if we so will, to forgo that responsibility. He is willing to assume the risk (that we might by accident hurt him) for us, but we still need to also be willing to give it to them.
It is completely possible, I think, that when one processes this, one comes to the conclusion that for me, personally, it is not alright to let the other guy take that responsibility even if they are willing to. (Compare to: some doctors would not perform assisted suicide even if the law allowed and they were 100 percent certain it was the patient's true will.)
I say this because I do not think it is helpful to think that there is The Right Choice and you just have to trick your brain into making it. Both choices are valid. Obviously, rapier freeplay is less injury prone, but still, for me personally, the realization that it would be perfectly alright to refuse freeplay because I did not want to risk hurting others was what made the decision to allow them to take the risk possible. That's convoluted thinking, but sometimes realizing you do not have to is all you need to realize that you actually want to.
(I still apologize to people when I score a real good hit. I'm trying to stop.)
@Tuomoh - That's what this blog is for! I don't have a lot of answers, but I can at least share my questions for all my readers to ponder. I like good questions better than answers anyway.
@Janka - Fair enough, calling it a 'fact' may be a bit strong. Nevertheless I think it emphasizes the reality that our own responsibility has limits. Once we've done what we reasonably can to be safe, the rest is a matter of chance - which is what our training partners accept as the price of training.
My point is more that it's a two-way street. I accept the risk of being injured as the price for giving my training partner the chance to practice with a decent level of intensity and intent. I also have to accept that they also do the same, and I can with a good conscience exercise the same intensity and intent. In other words I don't need to keep pulling my punches if my partner can take a hit.
That in an odd way is about having respect for, and honouring, the other person's choice.
And I think it is sometimes helpful to artificially limit one's choices, to act as if there were only The Right Choice even if there are other options, if only to correct for a bias in another direction. Once that's corrected we can explore further, but until then it's a training tool. Sometimes the brain needs to be tricked a few times before it can consciously choose - that's pretty much the process I'm undertaking at the moment.
If we are "totally serious", responsibility is morality. And it is not "a fact". It is just something we build upon facts. (In philosophy is - ought problem is surprisingly strong problem..)
But morality needs commitment. So I kind of a like that someone bounds him/herself in them so strongly that they are so unboundable that they are facts.
I believe that pausing before attack can have many reasons. I can not see openings at all, so perhaps I am not a right person to be listened. - But when that have been a obstacle for me to babble?
It is possible to "make sure" that the opening is really there and analyze is taking the chanse "good enough". And that thinking needs time, and the situation is over before action is possible. (I myself have problems with things like that. I always need to know what to do. Or others get strange soundeffects of clay animals.)
But Ken is so gentle that I actually believe that for him the reason is right. I am different. I am too worried at myself. :)
Tuomoh.
Dang, why does everyone keep saying I'm gentle? Either I need to start cranking on in training or I should just give up and do taichi. ;p
On a more serious note, I like Tuomoh's point about 'is-ought'. That's pretty much the fundamental difficulty in combat psychology - dealing with what is there rather than what ought to be there. As in any other field of human endeavour, really seeing what's there is perhaps the greatest challenge.
As for the pause before taking advantage, 'the freeze' as Miller calls it, that's a very subtle and complex phenomenon. There are all kinds of ways and reasons that people freeze. Here's what Miller has to say about it - http://chirontraining.blogspot.com/2009/03/fifth-circle.html
Good stuff.
OODA loops. Observation-Orientation-Decision-Action. It usually takes too long. Training is all about shortening that loop, to the point that you go from observation to action in a flash, without having to think about it at a conscious level at all, because if you do, you're already too late.
That's what speed really means in martial arts. Not how fast your hand moves, but how fast your nervous system reacts. As we train, we are literally rewiring our brains and our central nervous systems.
Speed is achieved otherwise as well: simply relying on reaction to spot openings will usually not be quick enough, but rather you create the opening with your previous actions, having established that your opponent is likely to respond in a predictable way. Then, reactions are to help you in cases your plan won't work -- like finding a sword-point in front of your face when it wasn't supposed to be there -- you will have to rely on your reactions to parry that.
Secondly, and this is important but difficult to teach or practice (or do for that matter), one needs to consider what an "opening" is. Maybe instead of actually trying to see an open line for a strike, concentrate on catching a tempo - this is done by seeing the cues that are there at the very moment when the opponent begins to commit into something that prevents them from parrying your strike - or even before, which ties the concept together with the previous paragraph.
About responsibility, when training, I would say that it is only on a very advanced level where we can do it so that we can start to shift the responsibility of not getting hurt to the receiving end. I get this all the time, most people I fence with have fairly solid trust in my ability to make sure I won't get hurt -- and that is a good thing trainingwise -- but also a bit stressful at times. Most of these people, I have to be very careful not to injure them. If some people are stressed about fencing with me, it is because they are afraid they won't do well, not because they were concerned of being injured.
Speed and intent can be brought in without changing the consideration of safety that much. Control is about giving a fast strike at the right time and controlling it as it hits. This used to be stressed in training a lot some years ago (I don't know if it has been in focus lately, since I've been away from regular training quite much).
Yours,
Ilkka
Good points as usual Ilkka. I was hoping you'd chime in. ;)
I hadn't considered the setting-up part of fencing as part of speed, but you're right of course. Essentially one can short circuit the orientation and decision parts of the OODA loop with a proper setup. Basically you more or less know what you're going to do, just waiting for the opponent to enter the circumstances. Something like the area of excellence as Harmenberg calls it in Epee 2.0, although that's an extreme example and works only in a fairly restrictive ruleset.
As for freeplay, I definitely notice how much you hold back a lot of the time, to the extent that you can't express yourself freely, which is a shame. I guess it's up to the rest of us to get to the point where you can be more free to do what you really can do when you fence us. I hope at least that I'll be able to give you a proper bout soon, at least so that you can come away feeling like you got some real practice. ;)
Training control - I'm a little unsure about this, because that's part of the issue. I think my freezing is related to the more restrictive physical culture I got used to when I was training with PHEMAS. Recall the Five Days tournament when I got righteously hammered by Topi with a pommel because I didn't make contact when I had the opening... at PHEMAS it's enough to get there, whereas here one has to make contact. Not an excuse, but observation of a training artefact that's still there. It's changed a bit but the same fundamental thing is happening.
Something I have to work through. I'll be looking to do a bit more free fencing to break out of it.
Hi!
Well I should do more freeplay anyway. I don't like it with longsword that much, and with rapier I just don't know really what to do <-- lack of practice.
I like doing it with the sidesword, but maybe that is because I find that to be my own field, and others are less experienced there... enter the territory of psychology again. We should just drop all unnecessary emotions but that is so difficult, against human nature in a way. :)
I find that if I spend time without practicing much, the precise control is the first thing to go. During a break one might get better at things and get new ideas and so on, but control rarely improves. :)
Hitting someone with a sword is a skill separate from being able to execute a cut in the air or against tire or tatami. The hit needs to be expressed freely, without any restrictions, but so that it does no harm. Instead of being a pulled punch it needs to be a specific kind of punch. But when it is done, it is perfect as it is, not only an imitation of something that we are not allowed to perform. If it was the latter, we would be reluctant to do the strike anyway, as it's nature would be to injure -- something in friendly freeplay we don't wish to do. But this is something everybody probably looks at a bit differently.
What happened with you and Topi - according to your account here - should've been your point. It is okay to refrain from making contact if you consider the strike dangerous, in freeplay the opponent shouldn't take advantage of this. It is an error of the judge, if someone's. But I can't recall the event...
Yours,
Ilkka
I think I need freeplay practice in general, because the key thing here is not so much technical skill but application. I'd like to be doing more sidesword anyway. So whenever we can get a chance.
I'm not sure about dropping emotions. I suppose if one could do so and still experience the joy of the play. But then there is also the experience of dealing with those emotions and that is a valuable thing as well. As always, we just have to work with what is there anyway. ;)
As for the specific type of strike - something to think about, although I wonder if that means we end up training a kind of game or performance. Which... well, we do anyway, since we're never going to actually fight with swords. Perhaps something that's useful at a point in training, a specific training tool.
And finally regarding that bout - it was certainly a bit confusing to me, but then judging is always a matter of interpretation and there are different standards. For what it's worth it was Mikko who was judging at the time, and I think there was an agreement (which I don't dispute) that I froze, rather than simply pulling the strike. And at that point in my training - which apparently I haven't progressed very far from! :( - it made a point I needed to hear.
At least this time I've learned to listen a bit better. Progress there if nothing else!
Main thing is, I'm not concerned about whether it should have been my point. It's the lesson I need to take away from these things, two years apart. Still something I struggle with, which suggests I haven't been dealing with it that effectively all this time. More food for thought.
Hi!
How could one drop the feeling of enjoyment? This is a bit new-age, but in my opinion there is a difference between positive emotions and those that are harmful - such as anger, fear, frustration or too much complacency. Maybe not dropped altogether, but they should be tamed the very least. Tied with a golden collar.
If I manage to prevail in a live, sharp sword fight and end up cutting my opponent, and I say that "I chose to cut his head open", it is only by my choice if I could have stopped it from happening. I look to being able to do it under my control - the sword does need to hit with all possible strength to cause damage -- that would be the strike of a villano. Thing about all the four virtues, they need to be present in each cut you make, but in freeplay, when you hit your opponent, there needs to be more lynx than elephant.
This leads to the advice on controlling, instead of pulling or freezing. Pulling your blows prevents you from free expression, if the word is used in the sense that you have to stop your sword for it not to hit too hard. Freezing is expecting your partner to freeze as well, which they don't usually do, especially if you haven't hit them hard. After the strike you should move to safety, parry, regardless of whether you pulled the blow, missed or landed the hit, softly or hard. To give and not to receive, where I'd place more importance in not receiving in the context of freeplay.
Yours,
Ilkka
Re: more freeplay; if I am at the salle, I am pretty much always ready to pick up a rapier and fence anyone, just ask. I am a bit too hesitant to pester others myself, (more psychology follows) because I feel that for most of you guys the rapier is a "secondary" weapon and so I am interrupting something "more important" to you.
Post a Comment